used to.

it used to be a lot simpler. it feels weird to say i miss high school, but in some ways it's true. i used to be able to walk through the halls and see all of my friends, i used to not care if i saw people hanging out without me cause i knew i'd just see them again in like a day, high school gave me something to do every day. if i could go back to senior year i would do it in a second. i interacted with people i haven't seen since, but would really like to. looking even further back, junior high was probably easier than any other era of my life. homework was simple, classes were simple, schedules were simple, teachers were helpful, lunch was simple, and more than anything relationships were simple. i hate to digress to the relationship tangent, but now that i'm on it, i might as well elaborate. i miss the simplicity of relationships where all you did was hold hands for a while and build up to a kiss on the mouth. but now everything's complex and difficult and i don't like it. everybody beats around the bush. nobody says what's on their mind or what's on their heart and it fucking sucks knowing that regardless of how much i try, someone will always win the girl over more than i could.

in conclusion, woody allen summed up my feeling on relationships and life perfectly in these two quotes:

"this guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, 'Doc, my brother's crazy; he thinks he's a chicken.' And the doctor says, 'Well, why don't you turn him in?' The guy says, 'I would, but I need the eggs.' Well, I guess that's pretty much now how I feel about relationships; y'know, they're totally irrational, and crazy, and absurd, and... but, uh, I guess we keep goin' through it because, uh, most of us... need the eggs."

"There's an old joke - um... two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of 'em says, 'Boy, the food at this place is really terrible.' The other one says, 'Yeah, I know; and such small portions.' Well, that's essentially how I feel about life - full of loneliness, and misery, and suffering, and unhappiness, and it's all over much too quickly."

take those into mind. and if you have the time, watch woody allen's movie annie hall. it's probably one of the best movie's ever made.

Love,
Matthew D. Sturgis