really justin bieber?

yeah, i would too, if i were a 16 year old, pubescent female who is fucking RETARDED.

justin bieber ran into a glass door.
like literally, ran into it.
no trying to actually, you know, open it or anything.

and apparently we don't use the word "german" in america?

cool j biebs.
cool.

over

currently listening to/obsessed with:

if you listen to it while reading this, it'll make me seem cooler.


well it happened.
two months and eight days ago.
sorry for lagging, blogspot.
whatever.

on april 2nd, my mother left this world for something much better.
which is what i want to believe.
it's just impossible to believe something that promises so much but then fails to come through with the promise.
but it gives me comfort knowing my mom believed it with all of her heart.

ever since, it's been weird in my house. not in a bad way at all. just,

oddly comforting.

like, the knowledge of her no longer having to suffer is a weight off the shoulders of my family and me.
don't get me wrong, we all miss her enormously.
there's a definite void.
but overall, we've definitely grown together.
i can't really explain, nor do i want to.
but if you see me anywhere, please don't ask if there's anything you can do to help.
just talk to me.

a good conversation's worth more than artificial sympathy.


on another note,
i've noticed that i'm starting to wake up earlier in the mornings, which is both a blessing and curse.
a curse, because i like to sleep.
but a blessing, because i feel like i get to watch the world wake up.

sitting outside watching the dark turn to light is just a calming experience.
no other way to really describe it.




and by the way, i don't even know why i post on this shit.

my guess is two people, if that, will read it.

oh well.

til next time.

upside down

its been a while since i blogged. can't say i've missed it too much. fuck it.

i was looking at this optical illusion on an advertisement on some website and if you look at it straight on it's an old women. the thing on the side said "do you see an old woman? a young woman? or both?" and i'm not quoting that verbatim but whatever.
anyways,
i was looking at this freakin picture for like 20 minutes (no lie) and couldn't see the young woman, but then i finally looked at the stupid fucking picture upside down, and sure enough, there was the young woman.

and it got me thinking
(sorry if i sound like a douchebag, its just that stupid, insignificant shit like that makes think. not sure why, but i digress)

sometimes you spend so much time looking at one thing and trying to see both sides of it like doing that will solve all your problems or something like that.
but then all you have to do is mentally flip the thing over and see it from the side it's not supposed to be seen from.

after all, our eyes see things upside in the first place, its just our brains that misconstrue the image.


stick that in your pipe and smoke it.

maow,
maowtt

asher roth just so happens to know what's up.

the whole "i'm not gay" shpeel is just a prologue to his realness (which starts at the word "Further")

“I hate to disappoint and take away the entertainment of it all but I am straight, not gay. It’s disheartening to know such news on someone’s personal life can be portrayed as fact with no viable source. This, to me, is an opportunity to expose our vulnerability to lies and manipulation through unprofessional and irresponsible news outlets, in which people consider TRUTH. Further, someone’s sexual orientation should NEVER be big news, as it delivers a troubling message to children that they can’t be themselves without fear of judgement. Race, creed, and sexual persuasion should not just be tolerated but understood and accepted. It’s extremely disappointing that this topic would be used with the intention of being hurtful. We are near
2010….2010!! Yet race, sex and religion still play a major role in a hate-driven society.For the love of the future and humanity….let’s wake up.”

-Asher Roth

the kindness of strangers

i recently read this comment on one of my blogs:

"Hey. You don't know me but while I was perusing the wall of the "I don't care how comfortable crocs are, you look like a dumbass" facebook page, I clicked your name from the 1million+ fans. I thought you were an old friend of mine and clicked the blog to discover that you are not in fact that friend.

However, interestingly enough, we are/were going through very similar shit, and I see a great deal of myself/thoughts in you. At least the me a year or two ago. I was very depressed and a substantial portion of that was due to circumstances out of my control.

All I can tell you as a fairly objective observer is that I genuinely sympathize with you and your situation, your thoughts, and pessimistic outlook on things at the moment. I wish you and your mom the best and urge you to do whatever you can to try to look at things more positively and enjoy every second with your mom and everyone you interact with for that matter.

I've surrounded myself with the people I love, with the things I love to do, and changed my outlook on life. I've by no means got life figured out, but I can safely say that I am immensely happier than I was a few years ago. Life can be very very difficult and unfair, but all you can do is live for the moments when it seems beautiful.

Hang in there,
J"


and i must say, i am sincerely thankful for whoever posted that.

i can honestly say that this anonymous suggestion has helped more than any of the "i'm sorry for you, if you need me i'm here for you, blah blah blah" things that most people try to do or say.

and i think despite the bullshit going on right now, its possible to be a little more optimistic.

thanks J


and also, stuff like this keeps me sane:

there's an old joke

it goes, and i'm paraphrasing, "there's a little kid who lives with his mom and dad and one day he wakes up after having a dream that included a raven cawing 'your dad's gonna die!' repeatedly. the kid told his dad, and the dad didn't believe so he went off to work. when he came back he looked completely worried, as if his death could come any second. the mom walks out and says 'honey, this morning after you left, the milkman dropped dead on the porch!'"

that's kind of a metaphor for how life can be. you sit and worry and expect this horrible thing to happen but then sometimes, it just narrowly misses you.

take that into mind.

Maow,
Maowthew D. Sturgis

hey marcus

My computers being homosexual, yes i know a cyber thing going homo sexual how odd... my chihuahuas hump each other. there homo sexual this kid know named tyler smith that used to be a dude but not has a girl hair style and dyed his hair pink and wears shirts that his belly button show, and tells every one how he takes it in the mouth but and how hes been tea bagged (if u dont know what that means, then dont ask ^_^) well. my computer likes men. im surprised it didnt dye its cyber sh!t pink. *sigh* my parents are pissed at me cause im slacking off for the second trimester and stuff so thats not cool.

ok ok, its all because of that damn drug im taking called " Counter strike" i cant stop playing it. its SO FreakIn Kewl! i love that game!! i can play on it for 10 hours straight! I met a friend of mine Sotero. hes cool hes supposed to come to my house from LA to lan (<- dont ask if u dont know ^_^) i really hope hes not a kid butt raping molester. im having my doubts that my parents will let him. just think about it some freaky haired- dood walking into my house fomr LA lol, i dunno. Hes like a good friend now. I love screwing with his nerdy computer head though like tell him im sending him a virus or telling him ^ A CERTAIN SOMONE ^ doesnt like him any more and hahah <3 fun stuff

Any way gotta get back to my little essay on "Why Sherlock Holmes is the Hero in the Speckled band story." thingy

~Marcus^Squeaky*



taken from marcus martinez's xanga.
i think it's like beautiful poetry.

and marcus if you read this, why do you think i'm an asshole haha i never do anything even remotely assholey